It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
