I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
