She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i think i just lost a toe
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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