I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
