Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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