Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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