pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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