Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
