all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
