Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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