lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
