i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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