There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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