I accidentally had phone sex last night
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
