He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
