I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
