Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hippo gnu deer
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
