He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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