I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
