Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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