remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
