but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
