Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
