Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
