I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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