all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
