People in love make me want to vomit
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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