If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
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