never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
