just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Even my vagina gasped.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
