Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize