I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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