So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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