apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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