Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
