Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
