i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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