I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
