So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
