peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
