hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
