the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
God, I missed his penis.
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