I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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