he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
