The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
