Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
