so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
