I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
