Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
