He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
