Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
