I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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