Umm I'm too high to move.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
