I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
