my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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