I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
