Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
