What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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