I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
