Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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