thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize