We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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