i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
