she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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