are you still at the devil's house?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
