You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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