Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The air was thick with penises
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
