so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.â€
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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