he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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